heart blog: how to love

hey beauties! 


I am currently at work staring at my desk with piles of paperwork that I need to get to today but procrastination is my middle name and I'd rather be with you guys! I know I've been doing alot of link ups lately and as much as I love them I know you guys deserve some fresh material. So here I am with another heart blog, I think why I don't LOVE writing these is because it can get pretty ugly on my side of things being so honest and just hoping that someone can relate and not completely judge me butttt here I am....ugly me!

Today's Topic: LOVE LANGUAGES

I know you guys have probably all heard of the 5 love languages book and/or taken the test so that will make this post more fun because please share which love language you received. Tripp and I took this test in pre-marital counseling February of 2014 but we re-took it last night with our marriage small group and I think it's such a great concept for single, dating, engaged or married people to do. I am all about some self-awareness because I really think I lack that and this really helps you get to know yourself better, especially if you are honest while taking it.

Which brings me to my next thing, when I first took it I wasn't completely honest because of course I want to sound like the best version of myself. So last night when we took it, I was completely honest and it was refreshing to get my answers knowing that I was honest and this is who I was and honestly, it made Tripp understand me alot more which is funny considering we've been together almost 5 years.

The test is 30 questions and the options of answers are: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation and Physical Touch. 

I was not surprised to get a total of 9 [the max you can get is 12] for Receiving Gifts. When my pastor explained last night that receiving gifts isn't a greedy thing, it's a "I got you your favorite candy" or anything remotely in that category. When I got Receiving Gifts, I realized that it should've been clear all along. I grew up with birthdays always being a big deal at our house, it was always a good day. Even when we were young, we would wake up to our age being posted all over the house and being made to feel like the most special person thanks to my mom. Then I realized that I still love my birthday like a child and that I constantly try to get Tripp little or big things and I never quite understand why he doesn't freak out as much as I would..I am very fortunate for Tripp because I had several boyfriends growing up that took advantage of my way of loving someone but Tripp keeps me in check and knowing his love language isn't the same as mine is teaching me alot. I grew up as the type of person that wants to say, Just Get Over It or Stop Being a Baby because of situations and last night learning more about each other I realized that is actually the EXACT OPPOSITE of what Tripp needs and wants.

Which means he has a different love language and today I've really tried to start considering that. He had the most points for Words of Affirmation which I do think a lot of guys relate too. I am the type that words don't really mean a lot to me so I am trying to realize he is a different person than I am and I need to learn to love him in a way that he needs. It probably isn't hard for a lot of women to comfort with words but I tend to be very cold with words, situations didn't help this and it will be a very hard to task to completely adapt to Tripp needing this way of love but an exciting adventure and I look forward to becoming the type of person that can fulfill that need for him.

Our pastor also talked about how God meets us where we are in our love language and doing the same for Him. I am pondering this and would love any thoughts y'all have on it. I wish I could say I am happy with my relationship with God but I am SO the opposite of that. Depression has been winning my life the past few weeks, which I know means I'm letting satan win. I haven't worked out, I haven't tried to make any great changes, my diet has been crap and I've slept any chance possible which ends up making me feel worst. I have a lot of changes going in life and a lot of changes I need to make that are not comfortable. I always have these great goals and when depression wins it comes back 10 times harder but I know if I can get my diet and working out that my overall outlook will change [it always does].

I hope that my heart blog helps y'all today and know that whatever it is you aren't alone in the ugly times of life. 

I've attached the online test for y'all, I would love to know what your love language is and how you adapt to loving your significant other or even yourself by using your/their language.  

Also, all this love language talk made me think of this song.

your brain on depression.

It has been one of those few weeks..depression loves to sneak in right smack dab in the middle of what you think is a breakthrough.

So here it is....here I am...in the middle of the up time and a big down hits. Sends you spiraling even worse because you thought it was gone. You thought you had reached the end of the tunnel and then BOOM, the tunnel gets longer and darker this time around.

I read this article yesterday as I was sitting in a dark bedroom, alone with my feelings.... #worstideaever for someone with depression and yet that's where I always find myself. Alone, sitting, to think, over and over.

 

 So you take your medicine as prescribed, you try to incorporate sunlight, exercise, social activity, omega 3's...everything you've heard that will help kick this horrible illness. Yet, every couple weeks you get smacked right onto your knees in front of what it feels like everyone. Everyone who looks on with confusion, they try to have patience but the process is long and gut-wrenching....they ask questions like is happiness a choice?! Ha! I wish it were that easy....

So if I just wake up thankful everyday then I should be ready to take on the day right?! Spoken like someone who doesn't know or doesn't want to be honest with how it feels to be mentally, emotionally and almost physically paralyzed for something that you can't put into words.

Do I know what will help?! A relationship with my Lord and Savior, you say? Because I've seen my friends post continuously on social media about how great He is making their lives and them feel. Yet when I am around them, they don't live like He is the only one they breathe for?! So what am I to believe? The God that I prayed to for 10 years to heal my brother but that didn't pan out...I'm supposed to go to Him to help me through this....Yes, I know...that's the thing I know He's the answer to most of my problems..He's the ultimate healer...but it's hard and why can't I just be honest about that?! Why do people have to act like the first time they prayed it worked?! I prayed for some many years for Micah...and nothing. Is it me!? Am I not worthy and they are? I try to be honest with everything but maybe I should just fake it like everyone else...then maybe He'll see me too. So here I am...back at work..with a semi-fuzzy brain. I've taken the medicine prescribed to get me through the day. I'm existing. I'm here not present but just here. Looking for answers, for some completion to a long battle. My mom needs me. Tripp wants me here. I'll stay...I'll wake up everyday, take my medicine and get through the trenches. I will not be fake though, I can't. If you need me, I'll be here where I always am. I just wanted to let people who may not know the struggle, in on a hard day and the mind of depression. A battle ground.

Please know that my blog won't always be a downer, because I am not always down. I just want to be honest with you guys. Some days are harder, some are just okay and some are amazing. I'm gonna share all of that with y'all in hopes that my honesty helps someone along the way and that as I grow I can grow with this great community!

 

What's Up Wednesday

It's the end of the month so it's time for What's Up Wednesday...if you read yesterday I accidentally started this post then because my brain is friedddd.

So linking up with some of my favorite bloggers to end out this month! 

What We're Eating This Week-

Well we are both sick still....so literally last night we put together whatever we could find which ended up being a grilled egg cheese sandwich...yep, we're very creative. 

In my last post, I did share the Chia Seed Pudding I've been snacking on so I'm still snacking on that. 

 Also, everything kinda goes to crap around here when I'm sick, house work gets far behind, cooking is a forgotten task, I mean it's just plain sad.



What I'm Reminiscing About-
To a time when I wasn't sick...Look how healthy I can be

VS. now sicklyy..

Rough times.

What I'm Loving-

 Obviously

 Thank You Memorial Day Sales! Got this bathing suit for 30% off, obsessed with the top. #obsessed #obsessed

Saw this tattoo and have been in love ever since. I need it. Can't stop dreaming of it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What We've Been Up To-

We celebrated my granddaddy's 86th birthday! happy birthday granddaddy! my grandmother turns 87 on Friday so happy early birthday to her too! 

 

 

Me bossing my mom at work is a common thing you'll see ^^^

 << This is a new thing Toby has figured out how to get under the curtain so he can live vicariously through outside dogs. #dreambigbaby

Biking our usual trail >>> still loving it! 

 

   

 

I'm obsessed with anything that has a small trailer, airstream, rv on it. Found this gem at World Market and had to get it. #ignoremynails

What I'm Dreading-

I have most of the dreadful things over for a while, I would really just enjoy being healthy now. PLEASE

What I'm Working On-

Well all of my house projects are over for a bit. At work, we are gearing up for the 15/16 school year so I've been working on getting those papers ready. 

Also, I've shared about my struggle with acne for the past few posts and I've clearly been working on that. I started the Rodan + Fields brand [Unblemish] and for about a week now I have had a clear face..which if you have seen me [LORD knows I wasn't taking a "before" picture] then you know that's quite different from how my skin was for the past months. I will keep you updated but so far so good. I'm using Simple- Moisturizing Wash every other time, just because my skin can be sensitive and it's nice to give it break from the harshness of R+F. So like I said, they are both currently working..I've been using 

both for about 3 weeks..Stay tuned. 

What I'm Excited About-

Feeling better so I can get back to....

What I'm Watching/Reading-

Reading- 

 This book has been really beneficially, it gives 6 steps to overcome depression without medication. It tells how medication works for such a small percentage of people suffering and sometimes that can make depression worse, when you're taking medicine and that's not even helping. This book explains that Sunlight, Exercise, Omega 3s, Engaging Activity, Social Support and Sleep. I've recently been adding more Sunlight [I stopped the tanning beds, y'all], started taking Omega 3s and working on my Engaging Activities.

[[Sidenote: I have nothing against antidepressants. I have myself tried them, I just didn't reap the benefits which is a disappointment when you want help this bad. I can honestly say nothing has helped me quite like exercise. It's hard to get the energy when you're suffering to go but when I do I just flourish, I can honestly say that.]] Plus I have added the essential oils so curious about how all that will work out.

Okay, I'm gonna try not to rant on and on about this book. I started the Christy Miller books when I was 12 years old [Literally, almost 13 years ago]] and it has helped me more than anything I have ever read [bible studies included]. Christy Miller grew up with me and what's so great is that even now, married and 24, she is relatable to me. Robin Jones Gunn just released the 2nd series to The Married Years and I am captivated again. Y'all seriously don't even understand how much these books mean to me.









Watching- 
The past two weekends have been all about them Crossfit Regionals and this is the last one until the games..
This week I'm hoping these people make it [[still suffering the loss of Josh Bridges and Matt Chan]]:

 Rich's Team [Crossfit Mayhem Freedom]

 Scott Panchik

 Sam Dancer

 Stacie Tovar

Graham Holmberg













Also, I'm on epsiode 4, season 1 of...

What I'm Listening To-

Currently Skip Bayless talk about Game 5 of the Warriors/Rockets game.. You can tell my husband is off for the summer!

What I'm Wearing-

Y'all I'm sick..y'all do not need to see my jammie collection. 

What I'm Doing This Weekend-

Besides watching the Regional Comp for Crossfit.. I'm actually dying to see this movie ->

 

What I'm Looking Forward To Next Month-

Well like I said, besides [football+wrestling] practice my husband is off for the summer and we hope to get to be able to very active. We have kayaking, paddle boarding and biking on our To-Do list for next month, plus we need to get our basement under control so cleaning and organizing that. I hope to get in alot of family and friends time too! I signed up for a young wives small group called Unveiled that starts on June 1st so I am excited for that, I will not know anyone so that's always refreshing to meet a group of new ladies. Girlfriends are seriously everything in this world.

What Else Is New-

What is y'alls thoughts on a humidifier?! I'm seriously considering putting one in our bedroom if that will help my immune system. I can't be like this all summer.  

What Is Your Favorite Thing To Grill In June?!  [Question of the Month]

We've already been grilling a lot here lately! The usual of hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, smoked sausage, steaks..I think my favorite is a good steak just because it isn't something you can have everyday. I do love a good kebab too!

What's Up with Y'all's Wednesday?! 

Pinterest Tuesdays.

Y'all I am so out of it! Totally started writing a what's up Wednesday post to only then realize that it is definitely NOT Wednesday but Tuesday. So stay tuned to tomorrow for me to end out May with my What's Up Wednesday post.

It has been a crazy week, hence the lack of postage. Last week is the busiest work week of my year [an accountant's version of tax day]. We had our graduation ceremony for the school, it went really well considering the year it's been for everyone.

 the dress I ended up picking [ignore my messy house]

Then I had to work again Thursday, getting things ready for the next school year already [seriously, time flies] and then I started getting sick this weekend...dum dum dummmmm. I hate being sick and I don't have the best immune system to begin with so normally when I get sick it knocks me on my butt [fever and all]. So the holiday weekend wasn't much of a holiday for us, Tripp had the sniffles as well.

So Tuesday's are my pinterest day, unfortunately I missed What's On Monday so I will pick it back up next week.

This past week what I've been digging on pinterest...

Chia Seed Pudding  This is a good starting point for Chia Puddings. I have the WORST sweet tooth, seriously my biggest problem when it comes to my diet. So I am looking for ways to suppress that here lately and I heard that the Chia Puddings are always a good go to so this weekend I tried to make one and TA DA, it turned out great actually! I think the texture freaks Tripp out a bit[he's super picky!] but I loved it and it reminded me of rice pudding.

Here's mine ->



















Wellness Retreat -
I told Tripp that next year I want to go on a Wellness Retreat so I've been pinning different ones and seeing which ones have the best reviews. Not sure if it's something that he would want to do or not but I like reading about what each one has to offer. May end up being a girls trip, who knows. My favorite so far is the Soulstice Retreat in Utah.

Essential Oils-
I've been really interested in trying oils to help with my depression, anxiety, low immune system, etc. So I started out with DoTerra and Pinterest is full of different mixtures, tips and tricks.

I started my collection with Lavender, Balance and Elevation.

The boards that I've given the most attention here lately:


                Follow Lindsay's board prettttty. on Pinterest.   


                Follow Lindsay's board spring.summer. on Pinterest.  

                Follow Lindsay's board healthy eats. on Pinterest.  

make sure to follow! If y'all have any recommendations, leave them in the comments. Also, any immune system suggestions please holla at your girl.

one year down, a lifetime to go.

So sorry for the past week and half with no blogging. I don't expect that to happen again. April 5th (yesterday) was the one year anniversary of my brother's death so needless to say just been fighting to stay out of the funk. Last week was hard, outside situations made it worse but I hope that eventually I will look back and be proud of how I've dealt with this whole thing. I made a lot of mistakes last year after he died simply because I didn't know what the heck I was doing so I am trying to make decisions that aren't solely emotionally based.

 My family and I received a lot of sweet texts/calls/emails leading up to the day and we are so VERY thankful to the ones that encourage us with thoughts and prayers and spending extra time with us during this week. I thought about writing a blog yesterday but I feel like there isn't too much to say about it. If you were lucky enough to know Micah for any amount of time then you knew what good guy he was so I don't need to explain that...shoot the majority of people preferred him over his favorite sibling (yours truly, of course). Last year I tried to write a few posts about grieving..daily, on holidays, the firsts of things, etc. Now that we have officially been missing him for 365 days, I am now trying to figure out how to move on and dealing with guilt because I don't want to forget about him, even though I know I never could. It makes the moving on process a little more difficult. So I'm sure this year will be full of new experiences and I'll post some on the moving on process and trying to figure that out. 


While I am on this topic I would like to post some things not to say to people grieving (I received a few this week and a lot last year) so here we go:

1) I'll pray for you- While this is very endearing and thoughtful and definitely what we need, sometimes people grieving just want another human to take genuine time even if its just a phone call, a text conversation or actual quality time spent. I'll pray for you can come off as a dismissal type thing and just your way of getting by and not trying to put any effort into it Grieving is the worst thing someone can go through and being alone for a periods of time only make the funk worse. I promise any time you put into someone grieving doesn't go unnoticed and I do believe how you treat others will come back when you are dealing with something like grief. (Not saying don't pray, pray please. Just also respect how it can sound.)

2) He's in a better place- Well what good does that do me?! I'm still here..on earth and dealing with everything he got to leave behind... I am super appreciative of the fact that Micah knew God and accepted Him as the only way to get to Heaven. Buttt he left me here, dealing with crap and sadness and he gets to be up there with Aunt Becky and Granddaddy Alvin just waiting for the rest of us. 

3) You'll move on- What if I don't want to...if I associate that with forgetting him then I definitely don't want to do that. Again I understand why people say it but just understand that it hurts to think about life without this person. 

Trust me I heard a lot worse but these were the most common that just left a stinging feeling. So I know you're probably thinking "Well then what am I supposed to say?!" Never fear, I have a few examples for you! 

1) What do you miss the most about him/her? While this is usually not a short answer, it shows that you are interested in an authentic way. I love telling stories about Micah and talking about anything related to him.

2) You know he/she's looking down on you.-This isn't question so it won't take that much time out of your day. When I got married, it meant the most when people walked up to me or text me that day to let me know that Micah is with me and he is watching. While I don't believe he is my guardian angel or anything like that, I do believe he is getting to see certain things and my wedding is definitely one of them.


3) He/She's would be proud of you.- Pretty self-explanatory. It's similar to the one of above and just gives you confidence and peace at the same time.