First, I want to start by saying I am most definitely keeping Charleston in my prayers & the families affected. Second, when I say families affected I am most certainly including the shooter's family, mental illness is a problem and we should not look at this person in such a negative way [he is a human being suffering and he has family that will always care for him who are suffering now, as well]. I will never stop trying to fight the stigma that follows Addiction and Mental Illness. Now onto....
This weeks FAVORITES!
Favorite Article:
Matthew Perry- Addiction Recovery
Okay, there is so much that I love about this article. Two of my favorite "friends" together and Matthew Perry being honored for his work in Addiction Recovery which I know has touched him and holds the biggest place in my own heart. Bravo Chandler!
Favorite Moment:
Definitely being asked to be godparents, it was just such an honor! We go to Sydney's shower in Atlanta Saturday so expect pictures next week!
Favorite Quote:
Favorite Video:
I am such a TV nerd (I get it from my dad and brother) and I love love love this aftershow channel on youtube. I watch The Bachelor/ette, DWTS and SYTYCD episodes.
Favorite Song:
This week it is officially summer in Alabama and I am listening to some country!
Favorite Blog:
This week I found Sequins and Seabreezes and her blog is lovely, of course I am semi living vicariously through her. Fashion is on point so check her out.
Favorite Laugh:
Favorite Summer Trend: I am diggin' this flamingo trend! These are a few items I found that I love for summer. {found these lights at cracker barrel and just died.}
So I am fully aware that not everyday will be great and sunny, and here lately it feels like bad news, after bad news, after bad news. I want to be honest on this blog and not just show y'all the great things in my life but the hard times and the struggles, I mean I started this blog to deal with grief and how it is a taboo subject.
Some of the bad news that we received these past few weeks was that one of Tripp's former wrestlers had passed away a week after he graduated high-school due to a car wreck. It's tragic anytime a young person dies and this was Tripp's first loss since he started teaching and coaching. The community felt the loss and had a celebration of life service for him on Monday night.
Now I've dealt with death since my brother passed, I've even been to two funerals in the same room that we had Micah's viewing so this isn't new to me. This is my first young person that has died since Micah but to be honest, I hadn't even given that a thought until we went to the service Monday night. I found myself being very agitated, not because of dealing with death or sadness or even that Micah didn't get a celebration of life service. I wasn't upset that the auditorium was packed for the boy, because Micah's viewing was relatively packed as well. I found myself getting more aggravated, that by the end when the Pastor said, "Don't ever stop talking about, Ryan." My blood pressure was spiked and honestly more from jealousy than anything else. I brought it up to Tripp on the way home, I adored what that Pastor said, I appreciate it and I wish it was said more..but can I be honest?! I don't believe that will ever be said at an addict's funeral. In our society, I am made to feel dirty about my brother's death, I am made to feel ashamed and feel remorse for being upset that he's gone. I am told to not bring it up and I am not encouraged to talk about his death or his life. I just find this sad by just the way Micah died, the family is made to feel different and ashamed of it.
I will never be ashamed of Micah, his life or his death. I will never stop talking about Micah. I will never stop missing Micah and wishing he was here. I hope and pray that one day our society looks at each young person's death as sad and encourages the family [no matter how the death occurred] to talk about it and the loved one.
Micah was an addict, but just like Ryan was such a special part of the Mortimer Jordan community. Micah was a special part of our family, his friends loved him, even my work adored Micah. The people who have the biggest opinion of Micah and how we deal with his death?! People who had one conversation or less with him. People who haven't experienced seeing a loved one suffer from addiction, they choose to stare at us and the addict like we have the plague. They force their judgements on us, when we know they have no clue how they would handle this situation. Now please hear that I am not taking anything away from anyone's death, I am simply saying why can every young person's death not feel like a tragedy?! Because it is. You think it matters to an addicts family how they died?! It sure doesn't.
So sorry for the past week and half with no blogging. I don't expect that to happen again. April 5th (yesterday) was the one year anniversary of my brother's death so needless to say just been fighting to stay out of the funk. Last week was hard, outside situations made it worse but I hope that eventually I will look back and be proud of how I've dealt with this whole thing. I made a lot of mistakes last year after he died simply because I didn't know what the heck I was doing so I am trying to make decisions that aren't solely emotionally based.
My family and I received a lot of sweet texts/calls/emails leading up to the day and we are so VERY thankful to the ones that encourage us with thoughts and prayers and spending extra time with us during this week. I thought about writing a blog yesterday but I feel like there isn't too much to say about it. If you were lucky enough to know Micah for any amount of time then you knew what good guy he was so I don't need to explain that...shoot the majority of people preferred him over his favorite sibling (yours truly, of course). Last year I tried to write a few posts about grieving..daily, on holidays, the firsts of things, etc. Now that we have officially been missing him for 365 days, I am now trying to figure out how to move on and dealing with guilt because I don't want to forget about him, even though I know I never could. It makes the moving on process a little more difficult. So I'm sure this year will be full of new experiences and I'll post some on the moving on process and trying to figure that out.
While I am on this topic I would like to post some things not to say to people grieving (I received a few this week and a lot last year) so here we go:
1) I'll pray for you- While this is very endearing and thoughtful and definitely what we need, sometimes people grieving just want another human to take genuine time even if its just a phone call, a text conversation or actual quality time spent. I'll pray for you can come off as a dismissal type thing and just your way of getting by and not trying to put any effort into it Grieving is the worst thing someone can go through and being alone for a periods of time only make the funk worse. I promise any time you put into someone grieving doesn't go unnoticed and I do believe how you treat others will come back when you are dealing with something like grief. (Not saying don't pray, pray please. Just also respect how it can sound.)
2) He's in a better place- Well what good does that do me?! I'm still here..on earth and dealing with everything he got to leave behind... I am super appreciative of the fact that Micah knew God and accepted Him as the only way to get to Heaven. Buttt he left me here, dealing with crap and sadness and he gets to be up there with Aunt Becky and Granddaddy Alvin just waiting for the rest of us.
3) You'll move on- What if I don't want to...if I associate that with forgetting him then I definitely don't want to do that. Again I understand why people say it but just understand that it hurts to think about life without this person. Trust me I heard a lot worse but these were the most common that just left a stinging feeling. So I know you're probably thinking "Well then what am I supposed to say?!" Never fear, I have a few examples for you! 1) What do you miss the most about him/her? While this is usually not a short answer, it shows that you are interested in an authentic way. I love telling stories about Micah and talking about anything related to him. 2) You know he/she's looking down on you.-This isn't question so it won't take that much time out of your day. When I got married, it meant the most when people walked up to me or text me that day to let me know that Micah is with me and he is watching. While I don't believe he is my guardian angel or anything like that, I do believe he is getting to see certain things and my wedding is definitely one of them.
3) He/She's would be proud of you.- Pretty self-explanatory. It's similar to the one of above and just gives you confidence and peace at the same time.
