oh, uncle al.

I've put this off for a few weeks mostly because I knew it would put me in a sad head space and yes, sometimes I like to avoid that. But on April 10, 2017, I lost one of the most important guys in my life unexpectedly. Unexpected death seems to be a running theme for my life. I could go pro now. After saying bye to my brother who was 26 years young, grief was a friend I was all too familiar with.

Micah's death was on April 5, 2014 so on April 5th this year, I never imagined just 5 short days later I would lose Micah's best friend, the guy that was like my dad, my mom's brother, my employee and to many others, Big Al.

I am not close to my biological father, no surprise. It's old news that I've talked about before and this post isn't about him. The good Lord blessed me with two guys that would play such a consistent role my life, you can literally see the finger prints of them on my personality. My Granddad was always my granddad and such a granddad. He adored me, I adored him, he let me get away with anything and in return, he had a little girl that thought he walked on water. Then there was Uncle Al, uncle al was more of a dad than anyone else in my life. He loved me and called me out on my crap in the same breath. I loved it. We cared about each other in a way that meant we would always be honest with each other no matter the topic. Him and his wife, my Aunt Becky were just an extra set of parents God blessed me with. It was such an accurate statement that me and him lived by the saying, we can't help the Lord gave me to the wrong parents.

When Aunt Becky died in 2011, my relationship with Uncle Al grew even more [I didn't even realize it was possible] to the point that he has been working for me for a year as our front desk guy. He was so friendly, sometimes too social, my errand runner, lunch getter and security guard. He was a constant comedic in the office with mom and I and if there was ever something we would rather not do, he was game for it. He loved people and people loved him back.

I am so thankful that God gave me two fatherly examples in my life and I am so very sad that Uncle Al will not get to meet Roman here on this earth. He had just come to our gender reveal party on 4/1 and was so excited that I was having a boy. I let myself miss him, it's too hard not to. I am so thankful I have so many memories with him, losing Micah as young as we did, I have learned to be thankful for someone that lives over 40 because that's almost double the amount of time I had my brother.

He was my bud, a father figure, my biggest aggravator, one of my biggest fans and my uncle al.


ps. he loved my blog and I know he would be mad it took me this long to write a post about him.

 [baby linds and uncle al]

 [us at work for halloween 2016]

 [mom and I with my extra parents]

 [the scariest face swap of all time hah]

[speaking of Granddaddy Bill, that's him, Grandmother, Mom, Uncle Al and me this past thanksgiving] 

 [heaven just got a little more fun with these two together again, that's a reunion I wish I could've seen]

 [I am so thankful for how close Tripp and Uncle al were]

[at my wedding probably aggravating me about something] 

Heaven seems sweeter every time I think of my loves that already up there. 😍

what's up wednesday

hi favorites! 

This time of the month is my favorite because it is my favorite link-up with Mix and Match Mama and this was my first link-up to participate in and it's my favorite to read.

What we're eating this week-

Really?! You're asking ole preggo what she's eating..how rude! Just kidding, honestly it depends on the day. I had been eating Mac n Cheese, yesterday that made me throw up. Today, I can eat ice cream but any savory foods sound gross. My husband just rides the waves honestly and he is such a trooper about them [but I mean who complains about eating ice cream?!]. I can't wait till postpartum when I get my taste buds back, my mom promises that it happens and I'm holding her to it. 

What I'm reminiscing about-

Normally around this time I'm dreaming about our summer vacation and all the fun spring/summer adventures we will be getting into but this year is so different. I can't imagine going to the beach 7 months pregnant so we will be fixing up the nursery and getting baby ready, we have so many home projects to do once Tripp is out of school and this year won't be a vacation year for us. Just call us Chip and Jo #fixerupper But it's even the smallest things that I cherish in the summer like Sunday night grocery shopping and getting home just in time to watch Big Brother and luckily, we will still be able to do that this year! 

Also, Tripp's grandmother passed away a week ago Saturday and my minds been on her a lot lately and how I wish she would've been able to meet the baby. She was Tripp's favorite and I do believe vice versa so I know she would have loved being able to love on our baby.

What I'm loving- 
 
Nascar! Y'all I don't know why but I have completely dove into this sport and I'm loving it, it gives me something to look forward to and have someone to pull for. It's nice to have sport again because I used to be Sporty Spice and a lot of that was due to my brother so when he passed I lost my passion for most sports but this feels nice. 
Podcasts! For some reason I'm at this in between of not having a tv show to binge and not really listening to much music so it means podcasting- alllll day.
Evenings! Because most evenings I can see my boo and that makes me happiest.
Essential Oils! Currently using Elevation, Wild Orange and Grapefruit to get me through this pregnancy since I am not able to take anything for my depression.
Outdoors! Pretty days always help :)
Anything that inspires me- right now depression is hard so anything to watch, listen to, read, do that can keep my spirits up is great.


What we've been up to-
Our spring break was last week so this week was back to school for Tripp and coaching soccer..so fella has been busy. He's also currently doing his masters program so he stays busy even on nights he's home! I've just been working and being pregnant- sometimes that feels like it's on full time job!

What I'm dreading-
 Next week is the 3 year mark of my brother's death. Time flies and no matter how far I think I've gotten in my grief journey when it gets close to April 5th the majority of my thoughts are about him, all of our memories and what life with him would look like now. I'll do a memorial post next week for that guy because he deserves it!

What I'm working on-
We're on officially on graduation countdown at work so that is always a nerve wracking time especially this year with pregnancy brain and making sure I don't forget anything. That's my main focus at work, along with closing out the school year and getting everything ready for the new school year which enrollment starts for that in June. Busy time at work!

What I'm excited about-

Well today we have our 16 week doctor appointment so that's always exciting, I love getting to check on the baby because I spend the other 3 weeks out of the month worrying about it. Also, excited about Easter, I do think becoming a parent makes all the holidays a little sweeter. It just makes it exciting right now!

What I'm watching/reading-

Dancing with the Stars is really the only show I'm watching currently which is bizarre for me. Grace and Frankie season 3 is out and I need to start it, also so ready for The Ranch season 2..I loveee that show!
I have several books I need to be reading right now but I haven't started anything. I don't know what's been wrong with me this year, I just haven't been able to sit down and start a book. 
 
What I'm listening to-
PODCASTS!

What I'm wearing- 
Well not much is fitting right now so my pajamas are my favorite look currently. I did get some maternity leggings from Old Navy and they have been super helpful for everyday!

What I'm doing this weekend-
It's a pretty big weekend, my mom and mother-in-law are throwing us a gender reveal Saturday night so I'm really looking forward to that! Eeeeek! #teamboy or #teamgirl A
A family from work got me the sweetest gift and I can't wait to see which ones we will be using!

 
What I'm looking forward to next month-
My husband will hopefully be done with all of his sport seasons by the end of April which is exciting, my work cranks up even more with graduation and we will have our 20 week anatomy scan! I feel like we are so boring honestly. Oh, I am excited about Easter too!

What else is new-
I think we've covered it all by this point! 
 
What's your favorite spring wardrobe piece?-
I got my easter dress! I haven't tried it on yet so we will see but it's adorable on the model ha! 

 That was fun!

what isn't changing..

hi beautiful friends!

Thank you all so much for the congrats on our news! We are VERY excited and it's always so nice to hear that others are so supportive of us. We need it!

 

[ps. how terrifying is it that these two people in adult onesies are having a child?!]

I think all I mentioned last blog was how terrified I am but it is honestly the truth. Something else I didn't mention was how I won't be changing my blog. Something that has always been very important to me was to not lose me when I gain a role in life. I never wanted to JUST be a wife, or JUST a mom. Which was the main reason I started not a mom, I know so many girls that when they became a mother they truly felt that it was their calling in life which is so great but that was never me. I mean why can't we be a bunch of different roles if that's what we want?! That's exactly what I want. I love being a wife, I've always been a daughter, I miss being a sister and now I'm excited to be a mom. 

I want my blog to still be my little space on the internet to talk all things that relate to me. I will keep y'all updated on the pregnancy but trust me when I say y'all definitely don't need another post "Items to get you through your pregnancy" "What to put on your baby registry" or "What all new moms should know"...I am definitely not the one that should be blogging about that and I have found so many helpful articles on those subjects that have already been written by women much wiser than myself.

I will be updating you on the pregnancy, talking body after baby, figuring out what my career will look like and what some new career goals are, dealing with depression and being a wife. I still love fashion, but I don't believe I should be the one telling you what to wear..I mean I can barely get myself together lately. I love make up, but I need to read tutorials not give them. I love fitness, but right now my main goal is to walk a mile a day. I have so much going on and changing but one thing I wanted to make sure that y'all knew was that lindsayotis.blogspot.com- formerly NOTAMOM, now Life of Lo won't be just a pregnancy/mom blog. It'll still be a Lindsay blog!


Excited to be participating in What's up Wednesday for the 1st time in a good while tomorrow! Check back here!  

 

Woah. What just happened.

Well if you don't follow me on facebook, twitter or instagram...then you missed pretty MAJ news! Tripp and I are expecting a baby this September! wahhhhh?! the former not a mom is going to be a mom?  I know, it feels nuts to me too. We are so excited, but so terrified and nervous.

We were VERY surprised! There are so many parts to tell you guys that I may sound scattered but when NOT A MOM becomes MOM TO BE...it's kind of life changing. Of course, when a husband and wife love each other very much...just kidding. Not going there but yes, we're married and having kids has always been up in the air for us until one day...we just woke up and it felt like something was missing in our family of 2.

We decided in August that I would get off birth control and just see what happens. Being diagnosed with an eating disorder at 13, I knew that I really wouldn't know what kind of impact that had on my body until we started trying one day. I NEVER dreamed of being a mom as young girl, I decided as a teenager I never could be a mom and even in college it sounded like something I was never capable of doing. I think a lot of people would hear that Tripp and I were unsure of kids and think that it was based on selfishness but honestly, being pregnant/a mom has always completely terrified me. I quickly discovered around week 7 that it was the whole idea that ALL of this is out of my control now. I don't consider myself an OCD person, by any means. My house is usually in some sort of shambles and I don't live my life by a planner but pregnancy and motherhood is a whole different kind of out of control and I have always been terrified of it.

I think from the moment we started trying in August to January 9th when we found out, I just assumed we wouldn't get pregnant. My period has always fluctuated as far as date so I knew not to get excited if I started being late. I think I was late every month, in fact it became a tradition to take a pregnancy test about 5 days late to kindof jump start my period. It's like my body knew when I would take a test, we would see negative and then about an hour later, my period would start. My Doctor suggested ovulation sticks and said that we could pretty much determined what month we would get pregnant by those. Well...I tried and we tried and finally in December I just said screw it. I'm over worrying about it and peeing on sticks, if we're meant to have a baby then it'll happen whenever it is supposed to and 5 weeks later, we took a test :)

I gave myself the usual about 5 days late before I decided to take a test because by now I knew it was kind of a solid way to jump start my next month/period to start. We had actually just taken in one of tripp's wrestlers/students, a 14 year old kid that would be staying with us for an unknown amount of time, that night Tripp and kiddo went to my in-laws to watch the College Football Championship and for some reason, I stayed home. I was sick, like cold/allergies but I wasn't having any pregnancy symptoms that were noticeable to me yet. I decided while they were gone to take a test to see if, as usual, it would get my period to start. Took the test and went to cleaning out some space for the new resident we had currently in our guest room. 10 minutes passed and I walked by the bathroom which jolted my memory that I had taken the test...when I looked down I saw something that I had never seen before...TWO LINES...I looked it for several minutes confused before running downstairs to where my mom is currently staying with us and showing her. Did she see two lines?! Am I losing my vision?! What is going on?! We just took in a kid for who knows how long! We weren't even worrying about it anymore! Whatttt?! She saw two lines! Okay that's two people that were now seeing a positive pregnancy test. I need to call my husband [I'm seriously impatient, y'all]. I facetime my husband who again was at my in-laws and had no idea I had taken a test, I just showed him the test via facetime and he SAW TWO LINES. Y'all...I was pregnant! Like for real. By all estimations, around 5 weeks pregnant. Of course, I took 3 more tests because it was too hard to believe and all positive. Thus began our journey and we are now on week 16.

I'll be talking more about what pregnancy looks like on me and our whole 2017 so far later this week!
Next up on our list is the gender appt/16 week appt...this Wednesday with a small gender reveal party on Saturday. I'll have so much to share!

Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, send us any well wishes..Of course, he isn't as scared as I am but he is the one dealing with me so I know he needs it just as much as I do.

Any tips?

Gilmore Girls Reviewed

hi babes!

I really took last week to just reset and relax, sometimes the holidays are really hard without my brother and life just being different so mental health is my #1 priority for survival purposes. I relaxed, spent a lot of time with Tripp, my mom, Tripp’s family, our puppies, etc. I did visit my brother’s grave on Thanksgiving and it’s never like this widely beautiful moment that I always imagine it being, I don’t cry and then have this nostalgic moment before our send-off. I go, I see, I make dumb jokes to bypass the pain and then we leave. The usual for me.

But I am here this week, back to normal. We had a pretty chaotic Sunday so I didn’t get my Monday post out but I am here to you on a Wednesday and there is no place I would rather be. I am talking about an issue that is BIG in my life and that is TV! As you MUST know by now, Gilmore Girls had a revival this weekend and it was quite the deal in our house.

                                                                                  

                                  

Mom + I had plans to make a big to do of it, especially since it was so close to mom’s birthday so we could celebrate with our favorite gals. Well the night before, we decided we couldn’t wait and we got up at 2am central when the episodes were posted..put our GG shirts on with our jammies and binged. I have SO much to say about it + even if you aren’t a GG fan, well you still may enjoy my color commentary so stick with it. 

 [our shirts]

We began our binging at 2am with gas station donuts, cheetos, pop tarts and last but definitely not least, COFFEE!! We made it through Winter {Episode 1} and part of Spring {Episode 2} before we took a quick siesta. {Tripp gave up 30 minutes into it, he’s only watched the first 2 episodes of GG ever so not really a time to then skip to the revival} We got back up around 5am + started again with MANY bathroom breaks, more coffee+snacking then we finished exactly 12 hours later at 2pm. IT WAS EVERYTHING. I love nothing more than a revival/reunion of my favorite shows. [Sorry no pictures, y’all, I am not your average blogger..We were in our jammies, ZERO MAKEUP, gas station food..y’all don’t need to see that]

I am very against letting a good thing go, I want it to stay around FOREVER. Not quite sure what that says about my personality but nevertheless, that’s how I am.

We have reached the portion of the blog where I give my thoughts..it is hard for me to be objective to things that I truly love but I am going to my very best to not just say..I LOVED IT ALL! 

In no particular order, my thoughts on the GG Revival-

                -The opening was perfect: snow + “That felt good”

                -I love that everyone is back from Lane+Kirk all the way to Reverend Skinner doing the wedding

                -Logan is a major babe + I don’t hate that she is with him

                -I do hate that he is engaged + ugh Paul, go away

                -The musical number was 9 minutes too long [10 minutes total]

                -Luke’s speech in Fall=swoon!

                -Jess is pretty + I totally find his character more idyllic for Rory in the revival

                -Dean is + always has been the BIGGEST BABE [love the cornstarch throwback]

                -All the music is perfection, especially the wedding song [Reflecting Light- Sam Phillips]

                -Hi Mr. Troubadour, missed ya!

                -The Musical Number in Summer is my least favorite part

                -Wait the musical number wasn’t my least favorite part, I forgot about the one night stand with Wookie

                -Lorelai’s fridge is giving me life!

                -I kinda love that Rory doesn’t have her crap together because lordy, I sure don’t [super relatable]

                -I want to go to LONDON so bad!!!!!!

                -I wish I had enough money to do “Wild”

                -I want Hep Alien to go on tour and specifically come to Bham

                -Paris is my spirit animal!

                -Lorelai’s song about her + her dog is so my mom

                -I love the Christopher+Rory awkward relationship

                -Michel being gay is one of the few things that makes complete sense in my life

                -I think grief is scary + that is helping me not to judge some of the decisions the GG's have made during this revival

                -I’m okay that Luke+Lorelai don’t have kids, they have Rory + April + that feels like enough

                -“You should find my bedtime rituals endearing by now, what’s taking you so long” is me to Tripp in life!

                -Let’s all be honest that Doyle+Paris will work things out + get back together..it’s destiny

                -The stress tap dancing is so bizarre but also, probably something I would do

                -I.MISS.RICHARD. [life is unfair]

               -The ending makes complete sense to me + I kinda loved it

That pretty much sums it up! What did you guys think?! Let's talk!! 

26 before 26

So the blog has a LOT of updating to be done. I am 26 and more than likely didn't even accomplish half of my list...raise your hand if you understand not accomplishing goals. I do like goals and list making so I want to make sure my 27 is just a bunch of fun things and maybe even some things I've done before but want to repeat. Let's see where we are at....

1. implement saving into my budget- I'm gonna give myself a 100 on this. My husband is a huge help but we've saved and paid off several things this year.
2. get life insurance - BIG FAIL. I'm just lazy.
3. look into botox #notashamed Looked into it and it's not in our budget right now + my husband isn't sold on the idea. He's all about loving me as I am..precious, right!?
4. make a bed time of at least 10pm on weekdays I may need 2 cups of coffee to get my day started but I wake up at at least 7am even on weekends now which means I have a much earlier bed time.
5. learn to love my body in whatever shape it may be - FAIL
6. eat fast food a maximum of {3x a month} FAIL
7. meditate 5 days a week FAIL
8. learn to wear lipstick FAIL
9. do yoga 3 days a week FAIL
10. read 1 book a month- I did read more books than usual which I need to update y'all on but not near 12 books. I'm gonna say 5, maybe which is better than the year before so YAY.
11. find a new hobby -I would say wellness has become a new hobby this past year in a huge way!
12. learn a new language -FAIL
13. have a date night at least 2x a month- Success! We've had several dates this year and I love each adventure with my boo.
14. lead a small group- Semi win? My work does a monthly bible study for women and it has been a blast to be a part of. It's new so we are learning as we go and I'm enjoying all of it.
15. open my business- Not what I had in mind when I put that on my list but I do officially own my own business!
16. become a tea connoisseur- hah, I have figured out loose-leaf tea! WIN!
17. grow Not A Mom- sad fail. I really love my blog and I hate that I gave up on myself in such a HUGE way last year. I hope I can stick it out and really stay in a somewhat positive headspace about myself.
18. get a facial {I've actually never had one}- Still didn't get one but I love me some at home sheet masks!
19. learn how to braid {sad but true, I don't know how}- NEGATIVE, argh
20. plant a garden- nope
21. whiten my teeth {it's an obsession}-I did some oil pulling but no actual strips or anything.
22. take a dance class - sadly no.
23. visit Lake Jackson, Ala {it's where they filmed Big Fish and I love that movie}- No but I did visit Dauphin Island, Ala which was a new place for me so I'm counting that as a win.
24. cut out sodas- SUCCESS!
25. get family pictures made-FAIL. It's so hard to do when you don't have kids yet.
26. volunteer somewhere I'm passionate about- I haven't volunteered but each month my work donates to one charity which I'm pretty proud of- we've done women's center, children's hospital, humane society and recycled cans.

so here it is my list for 27! My next birthday I will officially be older than my brother was when he passed away and I'm not sure how to feel about it. I definitely think it will hit me very bittersweet, I think about all the things he didn't get to see or do {which he was an introvert but still} I want to do things and I would like to think that he can see them and do them with me.

1. take a vacation with friends - we have something in the works!
2. take more pictures!
3. create a capsule wardrobe- {seems like this would fit me well with my budget}
4. go to a concert
5. get life insurance {it's the smart thing}
6. date my husband as much as possible
7. do a bible study
8. learn to accept life
9. embrace every season
10. eat significantly less sugar
11. take a class- in ANYTHING!
12. pay off 1 item
13. do 27 acts of random kidness [pay it forward type stuff]
14. unplug 1 day a month
15. fly in an airplane [never have, but am dying to!]
16. do a 30 day challenge of something
17. dejunk my house
18. get a tattoo {another one that is}
19. rewatch the wire and cry when I'm especially missing my brother {it was our show}
20. plant something
21. eat more veggies [my brother loved them!]
22. fight for my causes! {drug addiction, eating disorders, domestic violence & depression}
23. have more girls nights
24. do something scary
25. JOURNAL!
26. go to a comedy show
27. make something

so that's it, y'all! Let's see what happens. As I mark things off, I'll keep y'all posted. What are some things on your list?! 

still not a mom.

It's been a while on this lovely corner of my world and for that I have regrets but I miss it and would like to have a space again so this is my attempt back. Whether anyone is interested in it or will even read this is another story.

First things first, I'm the realest..just kidding. But for real, there is some obvious changes like the name to my page. It's not because I am here to announce anything but instead so my little corner can stand all the seasons of my life. I feel like "not a mom" was an accurate description of my life for a season but I shouldn't just blog about my life as not a mom. I want the whole thing, I want to talk about everything and see who may stumble onto this page and find somewhere to relate. Male, female, brother, sister, wife, husband, mom, dad, etc.

I want to start talking again about my depression, about our marriage, about life as a coach's wife, my career path, my relationship with God and so much more. I am in this headspace that I am trying to LOVE EVERY SEASON of my life. Whatever this season may look like because it is that. ONLY A SEASON. Good seasons, bad seasons, dry seasons, hard seasons, fun seasons, exhilarating seasons. I will be doing some heart blogs again, some link-ups with my favorite blogs, some fun blogs, some life lately and sharing an insight to what is going on my head. If you want to following along, I'm so appreciative of all the friends I have made through this blog's lifetime.

[us.recently.]