rain clouds.

So I am fully aware that not everyday will be great and sunny, and here lately it feels like bad news, after bad news, after bad news. I want to be honest on this blog and not just show y'all the great things in my life but the hard times and the struggles, I mean I started this blog to deal with grief and how it is a taboo subject.

Some of the bad news that we received these past few weeks was that one of Tripp's former wrestlers had passed away a week after he graduated high-school due to a car wreck. It's tragic anytime a young person dies and this was Tripp's first loss since he started teaching and coaching. The community felt the loss and had a celebration of life service for him on Monday night.

Now I've dealt with death since my brother passed, I've even been to two funerals in the same room that we had Micah's viewing so this isn't new to me. This is my first young person that has died since Micah but to be honest, I hadn't even given that a thought until we went to the service Monday night. I found myself being very agitated, not because of dealing with death or sadness or even that Micah didn't get a celebration of life service. I wasn't upset that the auditorium was packed for the boy, because Micah's viewing was relatively packed as well. I found myself getting more aggravated, that by the end when the Pastor said, "Don't ever stop talking about, Ryan." My blood pressure was spiked and honestly more from jealousy than anything else. I brought it up to Tripp on the way home, I adored what that Pastor said, I appreciate it and I wish it was said more..but can I be honest?! I don't believe that will ever be said at an addict's funeral. In our society, I am made to feel dirty about my brother's death, I am made to feel ashamed and feel remorse for being upset that he's gone. I am told to not bring it up and I am not encouraged to talk about his death or his life. I just find this sad by just the way Micah died, the family is made to feel different and ashamed of it.

I will never be ashamed of Micah, his life or his death. I will never stop talking about Micah. I will never stop missing Micah and wishing he was here. I hope and pray that one day our society looks at each young person's death as sad and encourages the family [no matter how the death occurred] to talk about it and the loved one.

Micah was an addict, but just like Ryan was such a special part of the Mortimer Jordan community. Micah was a special part of our family, his friends loved him, even my work adored Micah. The people who have the biggest opinion of Micah and how we deal with his death?! People who had one conversation or less with him. People who haven't experienced seeing a loved one suffer from addiction, they choose to stare at us and the addict like we have the plague. They force their judgements on us, when we know they have no clue how they would handle this situation. Now please hear that I am not taking anything away from anyone's death, I am simply saying why can every young person's death not feel like a tragedy?! Because it is. You think it matters to an addicts family how they died?! It sure doesn't.