finding strength.

I've had this blog post in my mind for a long time and honestly would work on it here and there because it's super important to me and I wanted to make sure I included all my thoughts before posting. Then I heard Kelly Clarkson sing Piece by Piece on American Idol and inspiration came rushing in. That song truly resonates with my heart.

Growing up, I didn't have a healthy father figure. Typical story so I won't go too deep into because this post isn't about him. My mom worked her butt off to provide for us but she will agree that my brother and I didn't have a marriage to look to for influence, a blue print plan of how ours should look one day. Therefore, I grew up your typical girl with daddy issues...never getting married was my first goal and finding my ultimate career was my second goal.

Fast foward to now, I am still working the job I always have had and married. Life is funny and honestly, it seems to turn out so much better than I could have ever thought. The last thing I ever wanted in my twenties was to be married which is exactly what I am and I am so far away from having my dream career but I find myself more and more content everyday. I stumbled upon Tripp in 2010 with no intentions of marriage. I won't tell our love story, this post is more for the girls that feel like a failure, or feel like falling in love means you aren't the ultimate Supergirl. My idea of falling in love when I was in high school and early twenties was weakness. I would think how stupid, girls falling in love...so weak. I am strong enough to not need a man and that's how I will always be [hahahahah!].

Here I am on my 5th year of being with Tripp and he is honestly everything I never thought I would have, especially at this age. I would have adults literally tell me that I would be a lesbian or a stripper when I grew up because of my father and the issues we went through at home. So instead of doing that, I wanted a life of singleness for myself.

I feel like a failure most days, hint the depression but somedays when I find myself in the stillness of life. I look at my marriage and think, "How on earth did I make such a great decision?" and it's still beyond me. I don't have anything to look to for when things go wrong with us, I don't have a father that I wanted a guy to be like for marriage and I certainly didn't trust any one with a penis. I am here today at a young 25 years of age, feeling stronger everyday because of the love I have given to my husband. I find strength in finding a solid man to be my helpmate on this journey through life. Do I think you need a man to complete you?! ABSOLUTELY NOT, y'all. But if you find a healthy guy, a guy that is trustworthy, a man who wants to be your provider, that won't leave, that doesn't treat you disposable and finds beauty in your very un-beautiful times....find your strength in the ability to love him.

I am here to say that if I don't make any good decisions for the rest of my life, I made the best one by choosing Tripp Otis. I hope that we always work as hard as we do on our marriage now, that we always realize marriage isn't perfect [it is NO JOKE, y'all] but that we will always be willing to be hard workers and helpmates for each other. It's a team and I've never been happier to find strength in someone else.

Find your strength. Whatever it looks like. Whatever brings you the most joy. Just find it.