Wednesday, September 23, 2015

heart blog: not a mom

hi loves! 

I was thinking today over my little space here on the internet world and I don't know if I've shared why I chose not a mom as my blog title so that's what we're doing today.

I think about the name often and how some people are probably turned off before they ever click to check it out because of the name especially moms. I don't write this blog specially for ladies that aren't moms but when I started reading blogs it really took some research to find one that wasn't a mom{or a fantastic cook for that matter}.

So one of the reasons I started was to just share my life as a wife, a working girl and a twenty something year old that isn't a mom...yet, which leads me to..

Do I plan on being a mother? I can honestly say I have no idea. Some days I think how awesome it would be to have a baby in this little family of 2 we have currently then...there are the days where I am COMPLETELY content with being a family of 2 and maybe always being a family of 2. Tripp and I are making a nice life for the 2 of us and we have a lot of goals that don't include kids. Goals for our spiritual life, physical health, financially, my career, his career with coaching, etc.

We honestly don't get asked if we are having kids a lot, we talked about that recently. I know my mom and his family would be ecstatic if we ever do and let's be honest I definitely wonder if we would make cute babies but nevertheless for today that isn't what we are working on.

Another question is definitely..Am I able to have kids? For some reason I think if you don't have a baby at my age in the south and you're married that you must be infertile and while I understand that I have friends that would are struggling with this, I honestly don't know whether I am or not. Is that bad?! I will be honest that I struggle with an eating disorder that I was diagnosed with at 13 so my doctors have always been upfront that it may be an issue when I plan on having a baby and sometimes I tend to look at things as glass half empty and already assume I won't be able to or that I will really struggle but at this point and time I just have no idea. I've talked about adopting because I'm really not opposed to the idea unfortunately financially that is really hard so that plays into things.

One thing that I can say I struggle with as a wife but not a mom yet, I have found that women don't take to me as fast or as well as they would a woman with a baby. I feel constantly belittled or meant to feel less like a women simply because I don't know if having a baby is for me yet. I never quite feel like I fit in with women because I don't fawn over babies or talk about having a baby anytime soon. I think that's an issue with moms, sometimes it comes off to non-moms as cold and for reasons that may be out of our control that we will never fit into your secret mom clubs {is this a real thing?!}. I have some moments that I've really had to work on not being bitter about with women that are moms, simply because they've chosen that life and this is my life I've chosen right now.

I feel like I have completely rambled but I think that just shows how this is an area of my life that is open to anything. Baby, no baby, adoption, no adoption, more puppies....who knows.

So the last thing is the name of my blog, I sincerely hope that moms aren't offended by the title. It just shows where I am in life and if/when the time comes I am meant to be a mama then YES the blog name will change that's why I just chose my name as the URL. I hope that some girls just relate to not being sure of what they want their titles in life to be yet.

I love having y'all along and having friends in different areas of life but yet we all are able to come together and celebrate life no matter where we are currently.


  1. I admit, I really wanted to know the back story behind the name, so thanks for sharing it today :)!

  2. Such a great and honest post - I love what you write about because it's the same things I write about right now...the same 20 something career life with a husband :) xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

  3. Love the honesty, Lindsay!! I completely understand how you feel coming from the south. I'm 22 almost 23 and not in a serious relationship and that's super taboo. It's 2015, women should support each other. If kids aren't for you...then that is FINE! You're awesome.

  4. I loved reading your "rambling," Lindsey! I think you have more people reading this blog who 100% understand and relate to you than you know :) I'm totally in the same boat, and even though women are getting pregnant later and later, it's still considered kind of weird in the south to be in a relationship in your mid-to-late 20's and not be at least trying to have a kid!

    But I agree - there are so many other things that bring happiness and joy and fulfillment in life. I love your blog, and I love reading about all of your non-mom things :) Keep writing!!

  5. Love your honesty! I'm not a mom either and sometimes I find it hard to relate to mommy bloggers so I get where you're coming from! And I don't think there's anything wrong with not knowing whether you'll ever become a mom either. Any one who judges you based on the name of your blog isn't worth the readership any way!
    <3, Pamela
    Sequins & Sea Breezes

  6. I can relate to you 100%. One of my girl friends and I were talking just the other day about how it's "socially weird" that we are married, in our early/middle 20's and don't have/not planning on kids yet. It seems like most of the younger couples around here get married and start a family immediately. We just don't know if that's something that we want right at this moment.

  7. I have loved reading your blog! I completely understand how hard it is to find a blog out there that isn't about parenting and all about kids! I can relate to you 100%! I am getting married in November and yes we want kids but no time soon! We want to enjoy life as a married couple for awhile and just enjoy life together!

  8. And I think it is totally y'alls choice. I would rather someone not have kids then to have kids, not really want them, and treat them poorly you know? I have definitely seen that before. In time, y'all will know what is best for you and then you will do what is best for you :) Praying for God's guidance no matter the direction you take. Xoxo

  9. I love this post and your ability to be vulnerable and honest! I think you need to do what's best for you and not worry what others think or do. Thanks for sharing!

  10. Love the honesty of this post! I need to post consistently like you seem to do.

    You're ahead of me in that you're actually married! Beck and I are both almost 27 and we don't even have marriage on the radar, let alone kids! I can't wait to do both, though. Haha! But now, it's our time to figure out jobs, finances, desires, needs, etc. I always say "I'm way too selfish to have a baby right now", which is true. I still have so many thing I wanna do before I have little ones! You and Tripp do you and don't about anybody who is snooty or judgmental that you two don't have kids yet (or even ever if that's what you choose!)

  11. I love this post and I LOVE your blog! Actually, the name of your blog is what interested me to read it- and I'm a mom! I'm 27 and have two sons. My two best friends are 27 and not moms. I look at their lives and I think "you have such freedom! Enjoy it!" My husband and I waited a few years after marriage to have kids. That time spent together getting to just know each other as spouses more was so worth it! Those days offered so much freedom and I sure carried around less with me (no back pack, no spare clothes, etc)! Enjoy these moments when it's just you and Tripp and your puppies. :)
    Thank you for your honesty! I love reading your posts! And, if there's a secret mom club out there, I haven't received my invite yet.

  12. if people - or women - are making you feel less like a woman or belittling you - screw them. that is on them, not on you. you do you and it really is no-one elses business.
    anywho, i was definitely curious about your blog name, so thanks for sharing! i'm not a mother yet, i would like to be one day, but it is certainly not this day. i have no idea if we will have issues, i'm the same as you, a bit glass half empty kind of girl, plus the eating disorders screwed me up a bit when i was younger but my last doctor told me i should be fine and they don't start doing tests etc until you start having trouble, so i'm just gonna go with the flow until i can't anymore.
    anyway. for reals. don't let other people get you down - if they are being rude or catty, that is 100% on them and their personality. screw them.

  13. I am with the person above -- the name of you blog is actually what brought me here! I'm 27, getting married soon AND cannot even fathom having children in my life! I also find it hard to sometimes relate to blogs that focuses on kids/babies/etc. so I enjoy reading blogs like yours!

  14. Such a great post! I love how real your blog is about your life!

  15. I'm so glad you shared this because like you said, it's hard to find bloggers (or really anyone, for that matter) who don't have kids and/or don't want them in the future. I'm in a really similar situation as you - I honestly have NO idea if I'll ever have kids. I'm not completely opposed to it, but I'm not excited about it either. It can definitely feel isolating since it seems like most people are either in the already have kids camp, or the want kids eventually camp. Luckily we don't get asked about it very much either. I think most people either already know where we stand, or they realize that we have a lot going on right now and that having kids wouldn't be a priority even if we did know that we wanted them.
    I love our family the way it is now and most of the time I think I'd like to keep it that way forever. Plus, like you guys, we have a lot of plans and goals and really none of them include kids. We're 28 and 29 and at this point we're kind of like...we'll just keep waiting until maybe we decide having kids is the right thing for us, and if that day never comes, that's fine too.

  16. I feel you girl, I'm not sure of your age but as a Southern women who is married, all people want to know is when are you having a baby? Thanks for sharing this and drawing attention to it

  17. As a mom, I'm not turned off at all by the name. I actually like it haha. When I started blogging a few years ago, I tried so hard to search for women who weren't engaged, married or mothers (I wasn't even close to being engaged yet). I felt like I had to be one of those things to get people to read my blog.

    I also know what you mean but not knowing if you could have kids.. in my circle of friends it's not uncommon to be 35 and single but I know a lot of people that live more in the "deep" south like near you where it's more common to get married and have kids early. I'm exactly your age and I'm the only one I know here who has a baby. But how was I supposed to know if I could have kids before I actually did?! I was told by doctors it'd be hard because of some random health things that I ended up not even having, and that scared me because I knew I wanted to be a mom. I'm rambling BUT I think that infertility just seems so common these days for some reason, and it makes a lot of women (like myself) automatically assume it will be hard to have children, but you just have no clue until you actually try lol. I also think there's no problem with not wanting to have children. Like I said, many of my friends choose not to and I personally know people who have had children just out of pressure from their families and their age, which I think is so wrong. It's so awesome to actually KNOW yourself well enough to decide whether/when you will become parents; it makes a great parent.


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