Monday, April 6, 2015

one year down, a lifetime to go.

So sorry for the past week and half with no blogging. I don't expect that to happen again. April 5th (yesterday) was the one year anniversary of my brother's death so needless to say just been fighting to stay out of the funk. Last week was hard, outside situations made it worse but I hope that eventually I will look back and be proud of how I've dealt with this whole thing. I made a lot of mistakes last year after he died simply because I didn't know what the heck I was doing so I am trying to make decisions that aren't solely emotionally based.

 My family and I received a lot of sweet texts/calls/emails leading up to the day and we are so VERY thankful to the ones that encourage us with thoughts and prayers and spending extra time with us during this week. I thought about writing a blog yesterday but I feel like there isn't too much to say about it. If you were lucky enough to know Micah for any amount of time then you knew what good guy he was so I don't need to explain that...shoot the majority of people preferred him over his favorite sibling (yours truly, of course). Last year I tried to write a few posts about grieving..daily, on holidays, the firsts of things, etc. Now that we have officially been missing him for 365 days, I am now trying to figure out how to move on and dealing with guilt because I don't want to forget about him, even though I know I never could. It makes the moving on process a little more difficult. So I'm sure this year will be full of new experiences and I'll post some on the moving on process and trying to figure that out. 

While I am on this topic I would like to post some things not to say to people grieving (I received a few this week and a lot last year) so here we go:

1) I'll pray for you- While this is very endearing and thoughtful and definitely what we need, sometimes people grieving just want another human to take genuine time even if its just a phone call, a text conversation or actual quality time spent. I'll pray for you can come off as a dismissal type thing and just your way of getting by and not trying to put any effort into it Grieving is the worst thing someone can go through and being alone for a periods of time only make the funk worse. I promise any time you put into someone grieving doesn't go unnoticed and I do believe how you treat others will come back when you are dealing with something like grief. (Not saying don't pray, pray please. Just also respect how it can sound.)

2) He's in a better place- Well what good does that do me?! I'm still here..on earth and dealing with everything he got to leave behind... I am super appreciative of the fact that Micah knew God and accepted Him as the only way to get to Heaven. Buttt he left me here, dealing with crap and sadness and he gets to be up there with Aunt Becky and Granddaddy Alvin just waiting for the rest of us. 

3) You'll move on- What if I don't want to...if I associate that with forgetting him then I definitely don't want to do that. Again I understand why people say it but just understand that it hurts to think about life without this person. 

Trust me I heard a lot worse but these were the most common that just left a stinging feeling. So I know you're probably thinking "Well then what am I supposed to say?!" Never fear, I have a few examples for you! 

1) What do you miss the most about him/her? While this is usually not a short answer, it shows that you are interested in an authentic way. I love telling stories about Micah and talking about anything related to him.

2) You know he/she's looking down on you.-This isn't question so it won't take that much time out of your day. When I got married, it meant the most when people walked up to me or text me that day to let me know that Micah is with me and he is watching. While I don't believe he is my guardian angel or anything like that, I do believe he is getting to see certain things and my wedding is definitely one of them.

3) He/She's would be proud of you.- Pretty self-explanatory. It's similar to the one of above and just gives you confidence and peace at the same time.

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