Sooo this was absolutely unplanned but after the day yesterday and just feeling so internal for the past week I had this spilling out of me so I thought I'd put it to a post and see if that helps. I know that yesterday I got semi-emotional and I never want to bog y'all down two days in a row but life happens. That being said, if you don't feel like getting all heart-y today then save this post for another day [believe me, I understand]. A heart blog wasn't planned, I actually passed out early last night so I didn't get to even post today which is why this one is later in the day. I hate being cliche and say things like "I'm not good enough"..because that isn't exactly how I feel and I never want someone to read my horrible, negative thoughts about myself and think it's okay to think it. It's totally NOT, it's unhealthy and I promise that I literally have the most confidence in everyone but myself. Don't copy me...I repeat DO NOT COPY ME. I am by no means a role model on self-esteem, y'all.
I believe in change. I don't believe that everyone has great qualities. I believe that people sometimes have sucky qualities, because we're human and experiences or genes or influences made us that way. I don't believe in excuses. I don't believe just because my dad acts a certain way, that means I should. I don't believe because I am 25 that it means I'm too old to change certain aspects. I believe anyone can change at any moment in their life. What I am struggling with is... what to change?!
Negative comments happen. They come your way, you digest them. I've heard that when negative comments come your way, you swallow them, see what is beneficial from them and move on. Well...what I don't get [for myself] is that when is enough, enough? When can I consider a quality just who I am and consider that quality as a beneficial part of my personality and attitude?
I want to just stat facts about myself and say..hear me roar. I actually read a post that was pretty inspiring yesterday and I definitely recommend checking it out by Christa Black. I think my confusion is what qualities should I dispose of and what do I keep?
You see often my passion is mistaken for anger or sass. My humor is considered harsh and abrupt. My loyalty is considered obnoxious and unnecessary. So what do I do?! Do I destroy those parts of myself and grow into someone else that isn't so obnoxious, harsh and sassy or do I embrace that I am fiercely loyal, passionate and my sense of humor is a huge part of who I am.
I read so many articles saying to embrace yourself but what if others considered the qualities that make you, well you... a bad thing. I am stuck. I always want to be moving forward, I love goals, I love lists, I love accomplishing things but I just feel stuck. Stuck in who I am supposed to be. Stuck in trying to be this strong gal that God made me to be but feeling so weak. Stuck in moving in some sort of forward direction in most areas of my life. Of course, in my overdramatic mind everyone else has their crap figured out and here I am just hanging out watching others flourish. [Not overdramatic at all, right ha!] I want someone out there that may be struggling with what is it about me that seems so unlikable and what if that is just who I am and how can I turn these into positives qualities to know that you aren't alone. I have no idea what I'm doing and I want to have faith that I will figure it out and preserve into being this widely lovable person.
I know it's thanksgiving week and who wants to read a blog that is deep but life doesn't stop for the holidays, does it?! I am choosing to be grateful today in the midst of hurt and confusion for my willingness to change. I am going to like that part of myself today.
I am also choosing to love ALL parts of my sweet reader friends today because you are good and you listen to me, encourage me and love on me. Thanks for giving me a space to grow!
I would encourage you to keep being you. Those that know your heart are the only thoughts and opinions that matter. People with find faults and wrongs in almost everything. You can't conform yourself to what others want, all you will be doing is pleasing others when you need to be true to yourself.
ReplyDeleteDon't be discouraged, your blog has helped me through some dark spots in my life this last year and I am thankful for you and your words. I know I don't know you personaly but you are perfect just the way you are.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Krista
kristalenaemorris.blogspot.com
There's always things about me that I want to change. I think everyone has these insecurities. It makes us human. But I strongly believe one day you will find your groove and be content. (I'm still working on that!) Also, I can tell you that I am nowhere near having all my crap together FYI! And also, you can't please everyone so there's no point in changing yourself. You hubby loves you the way you are and so does your family. Once you realize that fact, so much peace fills your heart. (I'm getting there too!)
ReplyDeleteHang in there! And enjoy yourself over the holiday!
What a great post! There are plenty of things I wish I could...not necessarily "change" about me...but alter/adjust. I wish I was less negative and judgmental. I wish I was more witty on the spot. Little things that don't matter in the vastness of life, but do matter to me.
ReplyDeleteNever change yourself for anyone but YOU bc like Molly said, above, Tripp and your family obviously adore you! Work gradually to accepting all qualities you possess, are good ones! Even if you could alter them in a positive way.
By the way...I am NEVER politically correct. Political correctness is a disease and makes life an offensive bore. Say how you feel, always!!!!!!
xoxo
Staci
www.missbloodymary.com
There are always things that people want to change about themselves. Even someone who seems to be the most perfect person on the outside most likely has something that they want to change about themselves. Nobody is perfect by any means and everyone has faults. I, for example, am extremely impatient... like really bad... like to the max! Is it something that I would like to change? Yes. Is it something that I WILL change? Probably not.
ReplyDeleteI say just stay true to yourself... there's no point in trying to be someone who you are not because then you would just be living a lie! You just keep doing you, girl!
I totally hear you! It is hard to say which things are just plain you and which are things that you can improve on. The struggle is beyond real! One of the things I deal with is that I am too trusting...and that has bitten me in the butt so many times. So now do I become super cynical and jaded, or do I still trust openly and assume that people are good and honest at all times? It's tough! I am with the other girls though, I think the key is just to be you, as long as you, yourself are happy with it!
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I think this is so relatable to anyone and everyone. I know personally, every single day I'm plagued with insecurities. You and I are both still so young. We have so much life to live and so many experiences to endure. Give yourself some grace to evolve. Love you girl!!!!
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